Amusing title

This is my blog.

Read it, don't read it.

Comment on it or don't.

Follow me or run in the opposite direction.

Do what you want, see if I care. :D

x

So.. this is me then

My photo
Berkshire, United Kingdom
Not much point in writing about myself seen as how that's what my blog will be about but heres some background information: I'm blunt & direct and some people can't handle it. I don't sugar coat. Too many people around me have died or had awful things happen to them and so I've become somewhat immune to shock and sometimes seem cold towards others. I've had too much pain in my life to go out of my way to affect or hurt others. Life is too short and I don't ever want people to hurt or be scarred the way I have been. Life is better now than it has been in a long time and I think I'm finally learning to love, trust and live again.

Monday, 22 February 2016

BEFORE BED BOREDOM.....

Well this is fun..... 

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
I'm pretty sure anybody who's ever had a partner has kissed them in the bathroom lol!

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice? 
It was my niece - so yes, I love her to pieces, little madam! 

Who was the last person to call you?
Last person to call me was my Dad to find out where I was.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Currently drinking a cup of decaf tea.

When is the last time you cried?
Haha! About an hour ago! I'm tired and my Dad was moody with me. Not even massively mean to me lmao! I was just being over sensitive I think!

Are you scared of spiders?
YES!!!!!!!!

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
That's a very difficult question to answer. 
There are things I would definitely change. But also things I would never want to re-live... No. I don't think so. 
Things happen just the way they're supposed to, if you were to start my kin about with things like that, you'd end up with a life like Michael Jackson's face! Some things should be left alone.

What are your plans for this weekend?
This weekend I'm going to Glyndebourne with my Mum! I can't wait!!! 

Ever been swimming in a lake or river?
Haha! Yes! I swam in the rivers on Dartmoor in Devon, it was so beautiful! 
I also went skinny dipping in Heathlake after a few drinks one summer! SO GROSS - WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last person you drove with in a car?
I drove with my Mum & bestie on Saturday.

What did you last buy?
The last thing I bought waaaas hang over noodles for the bestie & me on Sunday... Or was it popcorn..? It was one of the two.

What’s irritating you right now?
I'm working on not being irritated anymore. I've spent too much of my life letting things irritate me. It's the chimp. I must take control & make my human take over.

What radio stations do you listen to?
Hmmm... Heart, Kiss, Magic & I can't remember whether it's Radio 2 or 4 but I like listening to the stories & plays when I'm in the car. 

Are you afraid of the dark?
Sometimes. I depends on my frame of mind. 

Are you listening to music right now?
No, the news is on but I'm not watching it. I'll turn it off and go to bed soon.

Do you like Chinese food?
I like noodles lol! 
But I prefer Thai food as I find Chinese food too greasy.

What is the last movie you saw in theatres?
Last movie I went to see was the new Star Wars I think. It was actually pretty good!

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
Not really... Apart from loved ones who are no longer of this world. Things happen the way they're supposed to. 

Do you get distracted easily?
Depends on my mind frame and the task at hand.

First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Jeez... Umm.... Maybe 2010/2011??

Was this the best year of your life?
Definitely not! Lmfao!!!!!

Who are your best friends?
My very best friends know who they are but I consider a few people very, very close friends and I wouldn't like to hurt anybody's feelings by missing them out. I love all my sisters very much xxx

What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
I thought her hair smelt lovely as she had just had a bath haha!

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Both are very hard & take a lot of strength and perseverance. 
I think it depends on how much you want one or the other and whether it's worth it. 
Sometimes it's easier to walk away and never forgive and never forget. 
Sometimes you love the person and you always forgive and forget everything.
There's always a grey area...

Are you jealous of someone?
No. Jealousy is a waste of time. Be happy and accept what you've been given. Everybody has beauty. Not everybody can see it. 
Society is ugly. 

What last made you laugh the hardest?
My bestie being a div haha! Xxx

Do you flirt a lot?
No. I'm not really interested. I'm friendly but not flirty.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I live with my Dad, does that count?! Lmao! 

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
Yes. It's horrible lol!

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
My Dad.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Haha! A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!! 

Who was the last person that made you feel safe, why?
My Mum & my bestie. Because they always make me feel loved and accepted no matter what I'm going through, how I'm behaving, what I look like, the stupid things I say! I know they love me and are always there for me. Xxx

Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
Probably when I was a teenager.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yes. A few years back. But it had to be done. They called it love but they lied to me constantly about stupid stuff. I didn't believe a word they said or trust them, so there was no point in being together anymore.

Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
Yes. Simple as that.

What did you do yesterday?
Drove back from Sussex with my bestie, got changed, got noodles from Maidenhead, got some popcorn, went back to her place, drank tea, popcorn & went home late.

Have you ever dated Someone Older Than You?
Yes. It's true what they say. Men mature much slower. 

What time did you go to bed at and when did you awake?
Went to bed about 12 and woke up about 10. I suffer with really bad insomnia so wasn't asleep for all that time.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Second? yes, third? Yes. Fourth? Fifth? Sixth? Seventh? Nope, but then I'm a walk over so I dish out chances like they're going out of fashion!

Believe in love at first sight?
No. I believe in lust at first sight. Learn to control ya damn selves lol! 

Monday, 18 January 2016

Bad day

Today is not a good day. I feel sick, I have stomach cramps, I feel anxious, depressed, nervous, cold. 
I haven't moved from my bedroom except for breakfast.
I don't want to return any calls or messages & thought of communicating face to face with anybody right now fills me with dread. 

I hate feeling like this. 

It happens sometimes. 

It's part of me. 

I have a Pilates class this evening with a good friend to ease me back into an exercise regime, I'm kind of looking forward to it but am also scared of a new experience with strangers around me...

So I have to sort myself out before! 
I will watch some House on Netflix, have a bath, face mask, hair mask, make my hair look presentable, a little natural make up... 
Hopefully a bit of pampering will cheer me up. Sometimes if you make a little effort on the outside, it makes you feel a little better on the inside. 
It's all psychological... Right...? 

*sigh* 



Tuesday, 5 January 2016

The life of mine

Sometimes I get so caught up with observing life that I forget to take part...
Sort of like missing the cue in a play.

I watch as my acquaintances/family/friends have babies, get new jobs, go travelling, get married and so on.. They post their news in words and pictures on social media and I'm pleased for them - it's lovely to see people fulfilled & happy in their lives! 
I watch the comments appear on the posts:
"Congrats babes"
"Omg so cute!"
"Have fun! Missing you already!"
Etc...

I become engrossed in the love and well wishes being sent to these people who have reached a milestone and it warms my heart.

But I don't write a comment to them. I exit the post and move on.
It's not because I don't care, it's not because I'm not brimming with joy for them. 
It's because I simply forget that I am a part of it. Mentally I hear my thoughts "Good for you" and I smile. 
But still, I don't post. 

Is it rude? 
Should I feel obliged? 
Do people think I don't care? 
Have I become that antisocial? 
Do people notice?
Do people care that I've not said anything?
Is this totally mad?
Am I just flattering myself..?

It's not only social networking either.

It's also within every day conversation. 
I find myself watching the people I speak to, their mannerisms, their eyes, the way they breathe...

The conversation becomes less about what they are saying and much more about what they are not saying and I find it frustrating that I engage in so many insincere conversations with people because they are saying the opposite to what their body language is telling me! 

So yet again, I lose track of the verbal and miss the cue for my line in the play.

I find the insincerity & facade of life boring, pointless effort & an unnecessary necessity. 
Why does everybody do it?

Why do you all pretend? 

Life and everybody in it has become one long, boring act that I cannot escape. 
People are so predictable, it's pathetic. 
You all play your parts so well and you never break character.
You poor creatures.

I love when somebody breaks the mold! 
Spontaneous! Funny! Embarassing! Different! 
But then it turns out that is their facade and it becomes all too transparent & needy... 

Life is one long, boring act that I cannot escape.