Guess where I am...

Today has been extremely draining. I'm so glad it's over & I now have a week off work. It couldn't have come sooner, I feel like my head might explode...

Breathe.

This is what I have been looking forward to and this is what my night looks like right now... 

A little trip to Lush every now and then makes life worth living. Seriously. 

So this is a newbie from the Easter range that was launched today!! 

It's called Ultraviolet. It's a gorgeous concoction of violet leaf & Jasmine. Now. Stop, I know what you're thinking because I thought it too - "eww Palma violets!". Nope - no siree! 

It's a beautiful, calming, almost herbal infusion of fresh violet flowers & gentle evening Jasmine bloom. As you sink into the thick, luxurious, plentiful, mountainous, cloud-like bubbles (I like bubbles), it smells like walking through a beautiful secret garden at twilight. 

I imagine greenery, speckled with nature's own floral decoration, attracting the odd buzzing bee out past it's bedtime & a purple, pink and orange sky, the sun disappearing behind the greenery, the sweat of the blossom left behind, cooling in the night air. 

This bath has the most relaxing and heavenly fragrance. 

Lush really have done themselves proud with this bubble bar (which by the way you can get at least 3 bubble baths from if you slice it into pieces). 

It's the perfect bedtime soak and there's not a hint of lavender to be found! 

I think it might be love

Also, if I invert the colours it looks creepy... 

Sleep tight! 

You can buy your very own Ultraviolet here: 

https://www.lush.co.uk/products/mothers-day/ultraviolet

Thinking cap

Here I am again...

Blogging... 

In the bath... 

It's a peaceful time with no interruptions, surrounding by lovely, hot, bubbly water. 

I feel like a spaghetti mermaid lol!

I've been thinking. 

I've been thinking so much that I can't sleep and my jaw is constantly cracking. I'm in overdrive and I can't switch off. 

It's my future you see. It's not as far away as it once was.

When you're young, you imagine your life and future being in the far off distance and that things will just fall together - you'll get a good job, you'll have a car, you'll get married and you'll have babies.

Now to be completely honest, I really didn't think it was going to be as difficult as it has been just to get this far. 

Somebody needs to let teenagers know, in a way that they will listen that life doesn't just come together. You've got to work and work hard. 

I wish I knew then what I know now, my life would be so different. Although saying that, I was a horrible child so I don't know...

Something in my life needs to change. 

I need to train to do something that will make a difference. A difference in my current job, enabling me to climb quicker up the ladder with more ease and an upper hand over others or something entirely different that will earn me a lot of money (because collecting money is a hobby of mine).

The problem I have is that I like the main basis of my job. I love working with fragrance. I love just smelling perfumes all day and instead of going home smelling of sweat or oil or whatever else, I come home stinking to high heaven of perfumes! Who wouldn't want that?! 

The money wasn't important to me until everybody's hours were cut down to contract only. 

This doesn't leave me in a great position. Now I either have to find a part-time job to bring me up to full time hours (and get taxed through my ass) or train to do something entirely different, stay with this job in the mean time and then leave for more money. 

My future won't pay for itself...

Nail care!

Recently, I was given some really brilliant advice in regards to nail care. 

I've always had a problem with my cuticles, they just constantly grow and no amount of pushing them down was helping, they always looked a mess & weren't a good frame for my nail polish. 

So, I purchased the cuticle oil I was recommended (Sally's cuticle oil, it smells like watermelons!!!!! :))

Also a pair of nice, sharp cuticle nippers (Superdrug) 

Luckily enough, I already owned a nail hoof. 

Finally, my favourite hand cream of the moment is Soap & Glory Hand Butter. Smells great and keep your cuticles supple!

So, this is the advice I was given;

• Put a small amount of cuticle oil on the base of every single nail.

• Leave for ten minutes.

• using the flat end of your hoof, gently in a circular motion, push your cuticles down & then using the hoof, remove the remaining cuticle from the nail bed.

• Using the cuticle nippers, 'nip' off the overhang & lumpy bits of cuticle that look a mess.

• Wash, dry & moisturise hands.

• Repeat once or twice a week, as needed. 

So having followed this advice around twice a week for 2 weeks & using a lot more moisturiser on my hands and nails than I normally would, my nails are looking amazing. 

I'm really astounded by the results from only 2 weeks! 

Today I wore nail polish for the first time since starting the regime & it glided on smoothly & looks much neater around the cuticles. I'm so pleased! 

Home manicures are definitely the way forward!

People! - Stop using acrylics too! When will you realise how damaging they are?! Natural is best. I'm chuffed! :D

Before:

 After:

You can buy your very own;

Sally's cuticle oil here: http://www.sallyexpress.com/mobile/salon-services-cuticle-oil/

superdrug nail hoof here: http://www.superdrug.com/Superdrug/Superdrug-Cuticle-Sticks-x-10/p/560502

Soap & Glory Hand Food here: http://www.soapandglory.com/hand-food
 

Wow. I must be bored. This is a new low....

A stupid quiz thing I found online, simply because I'm tired & bored. 

Read it, don't read it. 

Whatever. 

Here Ya go Gaylords..!

1. Three things I want to say to three different people.

Lol...! Ok...

• Get on with what you're supposed to be doing and stop being so interested in me! 

• You don't know the first thing about me so stop making claims and assumptions about me that are totally false!

• You can do anything you set your mind to, you just need to gain some self confidence and take a leap of faith, you will go far. 

2. One of my insecurities.

Being paranoid about being bitched about behind my back by people I trust.

3. What turns me on.

Good manners, a gentleman, honesty, romance, good hygiene.

4. One of my bad habits.

Scratching the eczema on my arm when I'm stressed instead of putting cream on it! >_<

5. Who I wish I could be.

I don't wish to be anybody else but I wish I could be a better, more confident version of myself.

6. Where I want to be right now.

In the land of nod (my phone just autocorrected that to "nob" dear lord can you imagine the land of nob?!!!) I can never sleep. My brain goes into overdrive!

7. The last thing I ate.

Dominos pizza!!!!!!

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.

My Boyf xxx

9. What song I’m currently listening to.

No music playing at the moment :) but last thing I listened to was Beyoncé, I think the song was called  "on to me" or something? It's on the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack I believe.

10. The last time I cried and why.

Today, I was getting hassle at work & didn't deal with it very well Cuz I'm a big baby!

11. Something I’m excited about.

My day off tomorrow so I can sleep some more!! ( I'm a rock star baby!)

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.

I like....

• my strong morals ie my sense of responsibility, justice, empathy, generosity, loyalty, honesty, sense of family etc

• my ability to make a meal out of practically nothing & my natural ability to cook/bake yummy food

• my sense of style. Simple, plain but well designed. Things that look weird on the hanger but great on. Mature, feminine, strong, confident, sexy & stylish 

• my eyebrows. Especially when I have my make up on and they're perfectly sculpted. They're extremely expressive, particularly my right one, Boyf has affectionately nicknamed it my "dickhead eyebrow" as it raises almost beyond my hair line when somebody is behaving as the name suggests! 

• I'm not going to state the obvious and say "boobs" or "bum" because it's boring. My last item on my "like" list will be something that I used to hate but have grown to like. My feet. I have slender feet and long toes. Boyf gasped when he first saw my feet and i recoiled, terrified that he hated my feet as much as I did! But then he showed me his feet and turns out, we both have little claw feet! We are feet buddies! He tells me that he hates girls with "pigs" as he calls them, he thinks short toes are hideous, especially when painted and there's barely a nail on the little toe! He says my feet are beautiful and he has made me love them too! <3

I dislike...

• my strong sense of responsibility. I know I said I liked it but it also has its drawbacks. I create stress for myself because I worry about others and I can't help it!

• my constant need to sleep. I'm so exhausted every day and yet can't sleep at night! My brain sends me loopy! 

• my nose. Something which has bothered me since I was very young. It doesn't bother me too much unless I'm having a very low time but when it does bother me, it bothers me a lot. But hey! I wouldn't be who I am without it!

• my lack of disclipline when it comes to food and exercise haha! Exercising is fun but no amount of exercise is as satisfying as a massive chocolate bar - I'm sorry but it's not! - luckily, I've naturally got a pretty slim frame so I notice very quickly if I've eaten too much over a few weeks and can work it off again. 

• my jaw. It constantly clicks and locks and it drives me nuts!!!!!!!!

13. Three things I want right now.

• water

• sleep

• another pillow

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?

I'm not wearing a necklace right now but If I was, it would be my white gold diamond and pearl necklace from my Mum. I think it was from Ernest Jones a few years ago. I love it but I need to replace the chain.

15. How long was your last phone conversation?

Only a couple of minutes as I was working.

16. What are you looking forward to?

Sleeping... Haven't we already established that?

17. Did you get anything off your chest today?

Yes but not to who i should've done. Today I vented but soon I will articulately put my point across in an appropriate manner. Soon...

18. How many rings do you usually wear?

If I wear a ring it tends to only be the one.

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?

CaliforniA!!!!

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?

I'm wearing jammies!!! Moo cow ones!!!

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?

I'm English so, autumn

22. Are you an emotional person?

A lot people think I'm cold, arrogant, standoffish and snobby but actually I am a very emotional & sensitive person.

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?

Boyf or Mum

24. Do you like long car rides?

Yes. Simple as that. I've always liked car rides. Apparently when I was a baby, if I didn't sleep, my dad would pop me in my car seat and drive around and Id fall asleep! :)

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything?

My Mumma ️xxx

26. Last time you saw your dad?

This evening :)

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?

Yes

28. Do you do your own laundry?

Always. I don't trust anybody else not to do it wrong!

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?

Sporadically... When I'm at work mainly. Often I wonder if I do have that ability though, I can read people so clearly sometimes it scares me. 

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yes. 

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you?

Yup.

32. What will you be doing in five years?

Sleeping? Hopefully?

34. Last 2 people to text you?

Boyf & my gorgeous girlie Hayweewee 

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Lol... That's my answer to that. Do we ever grow up?

36. Do you like to cuddle?

Very much. But I'm extremely selective when it comes to who I cuddle. I don't give them out easily. So if you get a cuddle from me, feel seriously privileged.

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet?

That depends entirely on how angry I am.....;)

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?

Probably.

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?

Yes. When I was little I didn't have any girlfriends. I was one of the boys! :D

40. How’s your hair right now?

Up in some state so I can't see it. It's out of my face and that's the main thing.

Life... It goes on...

I've had a pretty shitty few days. 

Whilst trying my best not to moan to anybody, I've actually managed to silently implode. 

Now I have a war going on inside my head that not even the closest people to me, know anything about. 

I feel so frustrated & stressed, at such a dead-end & trapped. 

I wish I could just disappear. I don't think it would make a difference to many people. 

The annoying thing is that whilst I am writing this. I am overly aware of how many "I's" and "me's" are being written. It makes me feel so self absorbed, whiny & selfish. I start thinking "who the hell are you and why do you feel you have the right to moan?!" 

Why does my brain do that to itself?! Why do I listen to everybody's problems over and over, no matter how minuscule & stupid & try to help everybody out, yet I don't listen to my own body when I'm hurting? 

That's not right... 

I feel like my world is crumbling around me, I can't explain to anybody why I feel like it and nobody understands. 

If people don't understand, they try to tell you how you feel or make it about them...

On second thoughts, maybe there's a reason I don't tell anybody how I feel.

I have a day off work tomorrow that will probably consist of sleeping, food and television. Maybe I'll turn my phone off, other people's whining won't be my problem. Work won't be my problem.

Well... Chin up eh...

 

The best birthday ever!

My birthday is not my favourite time of year. 

Suffice to say I was not looking forward to it this week....

I was worried about being ill for my birthday and ruining it for the people who wanted to spend it with me. 

My general feeling is that it puts pressure on me to be in an overly good mood (like at my age I should be thrilled to be getting older?!) regardless of how I'm feeling. 

The people who love me enjoy my birthday as much as I enjoy theirs but I feel stressed at the thought of not being in control of the plans & presents. The anxiety of not liking something that somebody else has arranged or gifted also panics me. 

I'd hate for somebody to go to a lot of effort and then for me to ruin it by hating it all!

On that note...

...Fast forward to Wednesday February 4th 2015...

I wake up at boyf's house, surrounded by purple (my favourite colour) glittery presents and a ginormous birthday card! 

He disappears downstairs and returns singing "happy birthday", holding a chocolate cake! <3 such a sweetheart!

 

I carefully peel open my shiny pressies (the paper is too pretty to tear!). They include various Bare Minerals skincare products, 2 boxes of my favourite Lindt luxury chocolate selection, a gorgeous little penguin Pandora charm & a gift voucher for Lush! 

Perfect presents for me!

We then nip to Starbucks for breakfast; a latte & a nutella cookie! :D nom!

Afterwards, we go to my Dad's house, where I find a beautiful bouquet of pink roses & lillies from my Mum, ANOTHER huge chocolate birthday cake on the coffee table, a "birthday girl" banner across the ceiling, pretty, pink wrapped presents & a moo cow card from my Dad.

Pressies from my Dad include the Urban Decay Naked2 palette & a yummy smelling reed diffuser! 

Boyf then informs me of my biggest birthday surprise...

He has booked us a table at Donatellos restaurant in Brighton (my favourite) & invited my Mum & brothers to have a birthday dinner all together! So unbelievably happy! 

We have a typical crazy family time with my Mum & i giggling like a pair of idiots and cracking rubbish jokes and one liners to each other whilst the rest of the table (and probably restaurant, maybe the rest of Brighton/Sussex/the world) cringe. I LOVE seeing my brothers and am so thrilled that they are at my birthday meal... 

...Boyf & I got back home super late and had to work early the next morning so that was a pain but this year's birthday was absolutely perfect in every single way and I felt like a spoilt princess! 

I was made to feel so special & loved by all those around me & it was by far the best birthday I have had for years! There was no pressure or anxiety & I was naturally in a great mood all day, being showered with love and affection. I couldn't have asked for anything more, nor thought of anything to improve it.

The day after my birthday, my Dad & I went for a Nandos in Reading, just him & me (since he didn't get a look in on the day haha!) it was lovely to spend some quality time with my Fruit Jar & he took his first selfie of us together lol! We then went back to his place and I made him sing "Happy Birthday" so I could blow out the candles on the cake he had gotten me haha! 

It was such a lovely couple of days. :)

It will be seriously hard to top this birthday next year. 

But I have every faith my man will be able to achieve it in some way or another. 

I feel so grateful that he went to so much effort to make the day wonderful just for me. 

To those who speculate, this is why Boyf and I are together. We love each other endlessly. We fight, we row & we scream. But we love just as passionately and that is what I live for. Behind closed doors & all that...

He is so loving, affectionate & thoughtful. 

It's him & me, against the world :)

Content & lemony

Yet another bath post. I sense a pattern emerging in this blog.

One more penchant of mine is that I love things that smell great: candles, incense, perfume, food, toiletries & of course bath bombs! 

Now, I adore Lush! I cannot simply walk past this particular shop without being seduced by its heady fragrance & floating in on a wave of organic scents (like Tom & Jerry with freshly baked pies on windowsills).

So, being ill, I of course asked a couple of well wishing & well informed friends if there were any homeopathic remedies I could use to perk myself up a bit as the regular paracetamol & ibuprofen mix wasn't working. 

I was given some brilliant ideas, one of which was to pick up an Avobath bath bomb. 

Well!! This advice I took very seriously, if I'm poorly and this bath bomb will make me feel better I MUST purchase it!!! For my health you know! 

Teehee...

I am now laying in a witches brew green bath (cauldron), smelling of heavenly lemongrass. I was a bit worried at first as lemongrass is a hot oil and using it in the bath can burn your skin, but this is mixed with avocado oil and so you get that rich, sharp lemongrass scent but with baby soft, soothed skin from the avocado. 

As a little treat, there are also tiny shimmers in the bath, which unfortunately, I couldn't pick up on the camera. :( 

I am feeling pampered & warm and my sinuses are clearing nicely. I am a happy bunny. 

Another piece of advice I was given was to drink honey, lemon & cayenne pepper tea, so guess what I'm doing whilst laying in my witches brew... 

All senses are content at the moment. 

I have also brought in 2 oranges, along with a bottle of water and the box of tissues! Haha! 

My Dad may be hard pressed to remove me from the bathroom today!! 

Hmm but I'm starting to feel hungry so... 

Nah, food can wait. I'm happy. 

You can buy your very own Avobath here: https://www.lush.co.uk/products/avobath