- Charles Bokowski
I find people so draining.
After a day out shopping, eating or at a theme park or somewhere else where there are a lot of people (not friends, I mean random members of the public) I have to go home and be alone and in the quiet.
I feel tired, weak, depleted. I need to be alone to sleep, to re-energise & re-charge my batteries.
The people's energy around me is overwhelming!
I find watching these humans a little like the Truman show, but not.. Like everybody is playing a part, reading from a script but I've not been given a copy of the script & nobody will break character to let me know what's going on or why.
I think the whole world is mad.
I absorb everybody's energy from around me but instead of it filling me, the overload of energy weighs me down & drains my own resources, mentally and physically fatiguing me.
Maybe this sounds conceited or something. I don't know.
I know I'm not normal!
- What is normal anyway..?
Even one-to-one I can find people exhausting. I don't deal very well with other people's problems. The emotion they exude whilst recalling and talking to me has a similar effect but more concentrated due to the close proximity. I feel their mental state so vividly as if it were my own. The affection, the anger, the dispair. I can feel it all.
Imagine, if you will, seeing 3 friends in a week for 4 hours each, each of them also texting you during the week, with a different story or event to talk to you about, in person and over text, going into detail over and over & wanting your opinion (but not your honest opinion, keep that to yourself - you have to guess what it is they want to hear, lest you upset them more and become an addition to their problems), your partner & parents chatting to you about their ups and downs plus the members of the public you come across in every day life.
Absorbing everybody's energy, everybody's emotions & also trying to work out how you feel & separate your feelings from those you have absorbed. Ending up totally stripped of your entire self.
You can soon see why I spend so much time alone & why sometimes I can't say what you want me to say, be who you want me to be & why my social media can be so blunt at times!
It's also why I'm so direct & don't sugar coat my opinions.
If I am overwhelmed, sometimes things spill out without the filter. It's like being full to the brim and utterly empty at the same time!
I don't know why I wrote this down. Well... 
Whoever reads it might understand a little more why I am how I am...
Maybe somebody might even relate?
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