easy peasy winter warmer!

Winter warmer root vegetable soup

I'm totally obsessed with making soup at the moment! It is THE most simple thing to cook in the world! 

If I had known it was this simple, I'd have been making it years ago! 

My most recent creation is my winter warmer root vegetable soup. 

It contains:

Half a parsnip

Quarter of a large butternut squash

1 onion

1 carrot

Quarter of a suede

Black pepper 

Stock cube

You can use whatever veg you like! 

I'd just advise to use an onion with it (or maybe a leek or celery) to give it a base. 

1. Wash a chop all veg and put onto a baking tray, drizzle a little olive oil and crack a little black pepper over it all. 

2. Pop veg into a pre-heated oven (about 200 degrees) for:

20 mins for tomatoes/peppers other soft veg

30 mins for root veg 

3. Mix a stock cube of your choice into a pint of boiling water (I used chicken) and pour into a large saucepan.

4. Once veg is roasted, pop into the saucepan with the stock.

5. Bring the veg to the boil stirring occasionally.

6. Simmer with the lid on for 15 mins.

7. Put all contents into a blender and whizz it up until smooth(ish)

8. Serve!

Depending on what soup you've made you might like to swirl a little Greek yoghurt into your bowl (lovely with root veg), or sprinkle some cayenne pepper into the mix to give it a warming kick! (Gorgeous with butternut squash soup), or for a taste of the Mediterranean, drizzle a bit of balsamic vinegar in with your tomato soup.

Spiced Butternut squash & parsnip soup

Cherry tomato & bell pepper soup (recipe from the Juice Master)

My rule of soup is: always a lot of black pepper! I definitely take after my Mum with that habit! 

Yummy😋

I hope somebody who reads this is inspired to make their own creation.

I'd love to see if anybody does... 

😊

Antisocial or over-social?

"People empty me, I have to get away to refill."

        - Charles Bokowski

I find people so draining. 

After a day out shopping, eating or at a theme park or somewhere else where there are a lot of people (not friends, I mean random members of the public) I have to go home and be alone and in the quiet. 

I feel tired, weak, depleted. I need to be alone to sleep, to re-energise & re-charge my batteries. 

The people's energy around me is overwhelming!

I find watching these humans a little like the Truman show, but not.. Like everybody is playing a part, reading from a script but I've not been given a copy of the script & nobody will break character to let me know what's going on or why.

I think the whole world is mad. 

I absorb everybody's energy from around me but instead of it filling me, the overload of energy weighs me down & drains my own resources, mentally and physically fatiguing me. 

Maybe this sounds conceited or something. I don't know.

I know I'm not normal!

- What is normal anyway..?

Even one-to-one I can find people exhausting. I don't deal very well with other people's problems. The emotion they exude whilst recalling and talking to me has a similar effect but more concentrated due to the close proximity. I feel their mental state so vividly as if it were my own. The affection, the anger, the dispair. I can feel it all.

Imagine, if you will, seeing 3 friends in a week for 4 hours each, each of them also texting you during the week, with a different story or event to talk to you about, in person and over text, going into detail over and over & wanting your opinion (but not your honest opinion, keep that to yourself - you have to guess what it is they want to hear, lest you upset them more and become an addition to their problems), your partner & parents chatting to you about their ups and downs plus the members of the public you come across in every day life. 

Absorbing everybody's energy, everybody's emotions & also trying to work out how you feel & separate your feelings from those you have absorbed. Ending up totally stripped of your entire self. 

You can soon see why I spend so much time alone & why sometimes I can't say what you want me to say, be who you want me to be & why my social media can be so blunt at times!

It's also why I'm so direct & don't sugar coat my opinions.

If I am overwhelmed, sometimes things spill out without the filter. It's like being full to the brim and utterly empty at the same time!

I don't know why I wrote this down. Well... 

Whoever reads it might understand a little more why I am how I am...

Maybe somebody might even relate? 

Pointless. Unnecessary. Negative. Past.

When you suffer with anxiety & depression, you can't always control your actions. 

It's fucking shit. 

I'm not saying it's an excuse but somebody who has been in that situation understands how difficult & overwhelming the feelings are that can take over in a moment of rage or panic and the consequences that you didn't prepare for that you can no longer control. Sometimes it feels like you're drowning - the pressure is so much you want to scream!

The guilt you feel for the things you did or said in that moment is very real though. It doesn't mean that what was said hurts any less or what was said back hurts any less.

Neither party is innocent. 

Regardless, if you forgive somebody, you forgive them, you can't keep taking it back when you feel sensitive, especially when you behaved in a similar manner and received an apology that was never revoked.

In my particular experience, I made up & consequently became friends with my person. We then became very close friends. I went through a couple of really bad personal times whilst we were friends & made some mistakes, this has resulted in the end of our friendship. 

I was paranoid, I was distrusting & I was scared. Everybody I've ever trusted has hurt me & betrayed me & I was trying to protect myself from it happening again. Now I realise I was unnecessarily protecting myself from somebody who just wanted to be my friend. 

I think to a certain extent we both felt the same way. 

But now that friendship has come to an end, the bitterness has begun.

I desperately don't want to taint the fun times we had together with a bitter end.

If you have moved on & no longer speak - there should be no lingering bad feeling. 

There are no amount of blogs or words or conversations I can post, say or have to express how much I regret the disgusting amount of negativity we wasted our time with in the beginning when we could have been friends all along. 

Live your life, I hope you will be happy. 

We've all done it...

...Been a dick to the wrong person when they didn't deserve it. 

Thing is, at the time, we think our words are well-founded & deserved. Then afterwards we're angry. We're angry because we rowed with our friend, because they were mean to us and because they wouldn't accept what we said to them. 

But then somebody gives us some perspective on the situation...

We realise, that we don't have to speak out on every thought we have. Our ideas on right & wrong, acceptable & unacceptable behaviours are not the same as somebody else's ideas & everybody's moral compass is different. It doesn't mean anybody is wrong or right or better than anybody else. 

It simply means that we are human. We all have the right to behave however we want (within reason) without judgement. Especially from those we care about and who care about us.

If we are worried about somebody's behaviour, there are good and bad ways to approach the situation. 

Sometimes, the situation is too sensitive & too raw to be approached & somebody is just having a rough time. By bringing it up, we are throwing it in their face & making them feel bad about themself for actions that we deem unacceptable.

But what makes us the law on what is acceptable. We have all had experiences that have changed us, whether temporarily or permanently. But we were allowed to transition without disturbance. We must allow others the same courtesy. Once they have come through their experience, then we must be there to catch them if they fall, pick up the broken pieces or just to listen as they retrace their steps & to hold them, physically or mentally, and bring them back together to become whole again.

By picking on somebody's actions when they are in a bad place, we are not helping, we are becoming part of the problem and putting them in a worse place by making them feel attacked by those they trusted. It is patronising & small minded to believe that what we are saying is helpful & all we will do is push the person away. 

Maybe we were in a bad place too, when we said those things, made those judgements. Which makes our behaviour as unacceptable as we accused theirs of being. This attack was not about their behaviour but more about our state of mind & ability to cope, we made it about them so we didn't have to look in the mirror.

This is our problem, not their problem & friends should stick together & not fight against each other when we are both in a bad place. 

I would like to apologise to my friend. 

I am sorry. 

I have learnt from my poor behaviour. X

Random survey thing cuz I can't sleep...

Personal About Me

Last Person That

1. Slept in your bed besides you? — Justin (with me)

2. Saw you cry? — either my dad or Justin

3. You went to the movies with? — er.. Either my old job or Jade.. Can't remember. I don't go to the cinema much.

4. You went out to dinner with? —went out for a lamb roast on Sunday with my Dad 😊👌🏼👌🏼

5. You talked on the phone to? — my dad, he asked if I wanted anything from the shop lol

6. Made you laugh? — Probably some forgettable crap at college that you laugh at in the moment.

1. Pierce your nose or your tongue? — I had my tongue pierced but decided it looked trampy haha! My nose would look stupid pierced!

2. Be serious of be funny? — neither/both? Dry sarcasm. Is that neither or both???

3. Drink whole or skimmed milk? — Skimmed. Every time. 

4. Die in a fire or drowning? — What the hell kind of question is that?! That's like asking would you rather eat your own crap or drink your own pee?!!!! 

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? — Definitely parents. There aren't very many people in this world is rather spend time with than my parents tbh.

Are You?

1. Simple or complicated? — seriously complicated!

2. Straight, gay or bisexual? — greedy 😂

3. Tall or short? — I suppose I'm taller than average... 

4. Right handed or left handed? — Righty

5. A lover of music or a lover of books? — Both!!

Do You Prefer

1. Flowers or sweets? — sweets last longer but flowers are easier on the weight...

2. Grey or black? — Grey

3. Colour photos or black-and-white photos? — Colour!!!

4. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset, I don't like early mornings unless it's to get up for holiday haha!

5. M&Ms or Skittles? — M&M’s, you clearly haven't heard the skittle story. I've never eaten them since and that was 6 years ago!!!

6. Staying up late or waking up early? — Staying up late, I'm a serious insomniac, it's currently 4:28am and I've not slept a wink.

7. Sun or moon? — Sun!!!!

8. Winter or Autumn? — Autumn

9. 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? — 2 best friends, the less people you chill with, the less shit you deal with 👌🏼

10. Rainy or sunny? — Sunny!!

11. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? — Chocolate every time!

12. Vodka or Jack? — Vodka (but mainly tequila 💕)

About You

1. What time is it? —4:30am

2. Name? — Isabelle

3. Nicknames? — Tetty-Pon, Princess Moo, Izzy, luttle, munchkin..

4. When is your birthday? — Feb 4th

5. What do you want? — Happiness & stability.

6. How many kids do you want? — 2 I think. 

7. What would you name a girl? — hmm... I've always thought "Jessica" or "Jasmine" & middle names "Anne Patricia"

8. What would you name a boy? — I like Jaimeson & Robert. Justin likes Jesus (hey-Zeus) & Juliano 😝

9. You want to get married? — Yes, absolutely.. someday!

10. What kind of music do you like? — That's a list that would take all day...

Unique

1. Nervous habits? — Biting the skin around my nails, grinding my teeth, jogging my legs, fidgeting, cracking my jaw, itching, chewing insides of my mouth... The list goes on lmao! 

2. Are you double-jointed? — hell no.

3. Can you roll your tongue? — Yup

4. Can you raise one eyebrow? — Haha! Yeah! My dickhead eyebrow!! 

5. Can you cross your eyes? — Yes, but it gives me a headache lol

Random

1. Which shoe goes on first? — Right maybe? I don't know!

2. Ever thrown something at someone? — maybe... I shan't incriminate myself 😏

3. On average, how much money do you carry with you? — I tend not to carry cash

4. What jewelry do you wear? — My watch, sometimes bracelets, sometimes necklace but always piercing jewellery.

5. Do you twirl or cut spaghetti? — twirl. Only retards cut 😋

6. Have you ever eaten Spam? — Yes, gross. 

7. Favourite ice cream? — Haagan Daz Belgium chocolate or papafilipou kinder Beuno!! 💕

8. How many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard? — like 6 maybe? 

9. Can you cook? — Of course, & I take pride in it. 

Alcoholic beverage? — Tequila til I die! 

Car ride? — Last night, home from college

Movie seen? – No idea

Song played? — How deep is your love... Can't remember who it's by.. 

Person you saw? — My Dad before he went to bed lmao

Time you cried?- Few days ago I suppose

Fight? – Jeez, not including relationships? 😂 like 10 years ago..?

Well... That was enthralling... What else can I do to pass the time until morning...? 😓

Moving onto bigger & better things!

So things are looking up BIG TIME! 

I'm on the second week of my Bookkeeping course and I'm actually understanding what's happening! I'm really enjoying learning new skills! 

I had my first interview for an accounts based role. 

I'm used to "selling" myself for a retail position so this was well out of my comfort zone but I must have done something right as they offered me to job!!! 2 weeks to go!!

I am so excited to take another step in my new venture! I feel like things are beginning to click into place for me now! 

2 weeks ago I joined my local gym. 

My anxiety and social anxiety were so acute and it was getting worse and worse, so I thought I'd muster up some serious courage and attempt to help myself...

2 weeks later, I'm feeling more confident, I'm feeling productive, positive, healthy, I have a reason to leave the house and a new hobby! 

I've even been up there 3 times without my gym buddy! For me - this is huge! 

My self confidence has never allowed me to do anything like this! 

Working out and sweating etc has always felt like a really personal thing for me and doesn't belong in a public place - my instinct is to make myself small and unnoticeable (hands in my sleeves, sunglasses, crossed legs & arms etc) in a situation where I don't feel confident,

i.e. wearing no makeup, baggy clothes, hair a mess. 

It's not how I wish to represent myself to the world. 

But I have to conciously tell myself that everybody who goes to the gym goes there for the same reason, it's not a fashion show, it's a health benefit. 

It's working! I put my headphones on, I set up the machine and I shut out the world! I don't care what anybody else is doing - I do what I'm there to do! It feels great! I feel so empowered! 

That's a strong and possibly over the top word to use, I know.. But this is a really big deal for me - I can't even sit in a coffee shop and drink coffee alone for fear of looking like I'm waiting for somebody who never turns up! 

Now I've got all my excess thoughts out of my brain and onto the Internet (lol) I'm going to beeeeed! 

Night night! 

An emotional dumping ground

I wrote this in 2009 when I was at one of the lowest points of my life. 

Whilst going through my old facebook crap earlier, I found it in "notes". 

I'm so pleased I'm not that person anymore who feels these things. 

It's not the most accurately written poem in the world, more of an articulate dumping ground. Nonetheless, read it or don't. :)

addiction 

He was the only reason i was so long clean,

without him around i've no incentive to be,

i thought i was made better quick,

now i see he was holding me back from my favourite kick,

attraction so strong i just couldn't stop,

every day and night was another quest for sort,

another thrill,

new day, same drill,

too much wasn't enough,

more always got tough,

my worst enemy and best friend,

loved and loathed with each mind bend,

satisfaction so strong,

urge to hold on put me where i didn't belong,

i lost everything i knew

but didn't care cuz i had you,

my light at the end of the tunnel

was white as my mind was turmoil,

i loved you but you controlled me,

too much but i couldn't see,

you'd blinded me,

just how you wanted me to be,

a shell of my former self,

getting left behind, dusty on the shelf,

i had to walk away from you,

it hurt but was something i had to do,

life was so dark,

i told anyone who'd ask,

so i ran and whilst away,

i found myself again, i realised i was alive and didn't have to stay,

now life is so bright,

i'd forgotten what it was like,

i don't miss your empty fun,

the loss i felt and the rising sun,

with you i now am finally done.

Happy Mother's Day

Food!!!

Who doesn't love food..? 

Food is one of life's great pleasures. 

Now don't misunderstand, its not healthy to use food as a crutch or a coping strategy but there's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying your food and taking pleasure in different flavours and textures. 

The thing I love about food is that it's a pleasure that nourishes us. 

There's nothing naughty about eating, you must do it to survive! 

It's not a high or any sort of feeling that takes you away from your sober mind. It's one of the most pure forms of pleasure and is enjoyed by almost everybody in the world! 

So with that in mind I give you my two newest discoveries: 

Avocado pasta

This is the most simple recipe ever! But the outcome is incredible! 

It's so creamy, full flavoured & colourful with no cream or heavy sauces! It's rich in fibre, omega 3 & 6 and it's low in cholesterol! 

It's suitable for vegetarians and can also be altered for a vegan diet.

Here we go...

Recipe

(Serves 4)

Ingredients

Your choice of pasta for 4 (I chose spaghetti)

Cherry tomatoes (as many as you like)

2 avocados

2 cloves of garlic

1 lemon

1 handful of fresh basil leaves

Drizzle of olive oil

Pinch of salt & black pepper

Freshly grated parmasan to taste

Method

1. In a medium sized saucepan bring salted water to the boil (I've always said the water should be as salty as the Med), add the pasta and stir to separate. Boil for 7 minutes or until there is a slight "bite" to the pasta (Al dente) and drain.

2. In a food processor (I used a hand mixer) combine the lemon juice, avocado flesh, crushed garlic, olive oil, salt, pepper, basil & parmasan - blitz! 

3. Once the avocado mixture is smooth, place in a mixing bowl (unless you used a hand mixer in which case it will already be in a bowl) chop the cherry tomatoes and sprinkle into the mixture.

4. Place the drained pasta into the mixture with the tomatoes and toss until thoroughly covered.

5. Serve with added parmasan to taste as desired. 

To serve 2, simply half all ingredients.

You could also add bacon, chicken, salmon etc.

For veggies, you could add tofu and the likes, or grilled asparagus, beetroot salad, any number of crunchy greens would also be yummy!

Sweet potatoes fries with a little paprika & cayenne pepper are sublime too! 

Credit where credit is due, here is the website where you will find the origin of this recipe (Though ive tweaked it a little) http://www.thecomfortofcooking.com/2012/08/creamy-avocado-pasta.html 

The pictures in this entry are my own. 

(Just FYI: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_dente)

Onto my next discovery..!

Coconut & lemon cake

The lightest, most heavenly sponge cake I have ever eaten! 

Unfortunately I am unaware of how to make this vegetarian for those of you out there but I will share the scrummy-ness nonetheless. 

Recipe

Serves 1 (don't share cake ;))

Ingredients 

For the cake:

120g butter

200 caster sugar 

2 tablespoons lemon juice

2 medium eggs

200g self raising flour

Pinch of salt

120ml semi-skimmed milk

5 tablespoons

Dessicated coconut 

2 teaspoons lemon zest

For the icing: 

3 tablespoons icing sugar

3 tablespoons lemon juice

Method

Prep: 15 mins

Cook: 1 hour

1. Preheat your oven to 180 degrees / gas mark 4. (150 fan) Lightly grease a loaf tin (I used a silicone cake tin sprayed with a little olive oil, the cake pops right out).
2. In a mixing bowl, cream butter, sugar and lemon juice. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
3. Sieve the flour and salt; add to creamed butter mixture alternately with the milk. Stir in the dessicated coconut and grated lemon.
4. Pour into the loaf tin and bake for 60-70 minutes or until a skewer (or knife)  comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes in the tin, then remove from the tin onto a wire rack.
5. Icing: Stir the lemon juice into the icing sugar to make a slightly thick (but still runny) icing to and brush over the cake. Sprinkle more coconut over the top, if you like. Let it harden slightly before slicing.

(Once again, credit to: http://allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/24398/lemon-coconut-loaf-cake.aspx?o_is=Hub_TopRecipe_1 for the best cake ever!)

I really hope you will try out these recipes and enjoy the outcome! 

They're both so simple and so effective - you'll feel like a pro with such a small amount of effort!

The key to good baking & cooking is to relax and enjoy the experience. If you don't enjoy the preparation, you won't enjoy the produce.

Bon appetite!

Guess where I am...

Today has been extremely draining. I'm so glad it's over & I now have a week off work. It couldn't have come sooner, I feel like my head might explode...

Breathe.

This is what I have been looking forward to and this is what my night looks like right now... 

A little trip to Lush every now and then makes life worth living. Seriously. 

So this is a newbie from the Easter range that was launched today!! 

It's called Ultraviolet. It's a gorgeous concoction of violet leaf & Jasmine. Now. Stop, I know what you're thinking because I thought it too - "eww Palma violets!". Nope - no siree! 

It's a beautiful, calming, almost herbal infusion of fresh violet flowers & gentle evening Jasmine bloom. As you sink into the thick, luxurious, plentiful, mountainous, cloud-like bubbles (I like bubbles), it smells like walking through a beautiful secret garden at twilight. 

I imagine greenery, speckled with nature's own floral decoration, attracting the odd buzzing bee out past it's bedtime & a purple, pink and orange sky, the sun disappearing behind the greenery, the sweat of the blossom left behind, cooling in the night air. 

This bath has the most relaxing and heavenly fragrance. 

Lush really have done themselves proud with this bubble bar (which by the way you can get at least 3 bubble baths from if you slice it into pieces). 

It's the perfect bedtime soak and there's not a hint of lavender to be found! 

I think it might be love

Also, if I invert the colours it looks creepy... 

Sleep tight! 

You can buy your very own Ultraviolet here: 

https://www.lush.co.uk/products/mothers-day/ultraviolet

Thinking cap

Here I am again...

Blogging... 

In the bath... 

It's a peaceful time with no interruptions, surrounding by lovely, hot, bubbly water. 

I feel like a spaghetti mermaid lol!

I've been thinking. 

I've been thinking so much that I can't sleep and my jaw is constantly cracking. I'm in overdrive and I can't switch off. 

It's my future you see. It's not as far away as it once was.

When you're young, you imagine your life and future being in the far off distance and that things will just fall together - you'll get a good job, you'll have a car, you'll get married and you'll have babies.

Now to be completely honest, I really didn't think it was going to be as difficult as it has been just to get this far. 

Somebody needs to let teenagers know, in a way that they will listen that life doesn't just come together. You've got to work and work hard. 

I wish I knew then what I know now, my life would be so different. Although saying that, I was a horrible child so I don't know...

Something in my life needs to change. 

I need to train to do something that will make a difference. A difference in my current job, enabling me to climb quicker up the ladder with more ease and an upper hand over others or something entirely different that will earn me a lot of money (because collecting money is a hobby of mine).

The problem I have is that I like the main basis of my job. I love working with fragrance. I love just smelling perfumes all day and instead of going home smelling of sweat or oil or whatever else, I come home stinking to high heaven of perfumes! Who wouldn't want that?! 

The money wasn't important to me until everybody's hours were cut down to contract only. 

This doesn't leave me in a great position. Now I either have to find a part-time job to bring me up to full time hours (and get taxed through my ass) or train to do something entirely different, stay with this job in the mean time and then leave for more money. 

My future won't pay for itself...

Nail care!

Recently, I was given some really brilliant advice in regards to nail care. 

I've always had a problem with my cuticles, they just constantly grow and no amount of pushing them down was helping, they always looked a mess & weren't a good frame for my nail polish. 

So, I purchased the cuticle oil I was recommended (Sally's cuticle oil, it smells like watermelons!!!!! :))

Also a pair of nice, sharp cuticle nippers (Superdrug) 

Luckily enough, I already owned a nail hoof. 

Finally, my favourite hand cream of the moment is Soap & Glory Hand Butter. Smells great and keep your cuticles supple!

So, this is the advice I was given;

• Put a small amount of cuticle oil on the base of every single nail.

• Leave for ten minutes.

• using the flat end of your hoof, gently in a circular motion, push your cuticles down & then using the hoof, remove the remaining cuticle from the nail bed.

• Using the cuticle nippers, 'nip' off the overhang & lumpy bits of cuticle that look a mess.

• Wash, dry & moisturise hands.

• Repeat once or twice a week, as needed. 

So having followed this advice around twice a week for 2 weeks & using a lot more moisturiser on my hands and nails than I normally would, my nails are looking amazing. 

I'm really astounded by the results from only 2 weeks! 

Today I wore nail polish for the first time since starting the regime & it glided on smoothly & looks much neater around the cuticles. I'm so pleased! 

Home manicures are definitely the way forward!

People! - Stop using acrylics too! When will you realise how damaging they are?! Natural is best. I'm chuffed! :D

Before:

 After:

You can buy your very own;

Sally's cuticle oil here: http://www.sallyexpress.com/mobile/salon-services-cuticle-oil/

superdrug nail hoof here: http://www.superdrug.com/Superdrug/Superdrug-Cuticle-Sticks-x-10/p/560502

Soap & Glory Hand Food here: http://www.soapandglory.com/hand-food
 

Wow. I must be bored. This is a new low....

A stupid quiz thing I found online, simply because I'm tired & bored. 

Read it, don't read it. 

Whatever. 

Here Ya go Gaylords..!

1. Three things I want to say to three different people.

Lol...! Ok...

• Get on with what you're supposed to be doing and stop being so interested in me! 

• You don't know the first thing about me so stop making claims and assumptions about me that are totally false!

• You can do anything you set your mind to, you just need to gain some self confidence and take a leap of faith, you will go far. 

2. One of my insecurities.

Being paranoid about being bitched about behind my back by people I trust.

3. What turns me on.

Good manners, a gentleman, honesty, romance, good hygiene.

4. One of my bad habits.

Scratching the eczema on my arm when I'm stressed instead of putting cream on it! >_<

5. Who I wish I could be.

I don't wish to be anybody else but I wish I could be a better, more confident version of myself.

6. Where I want to be right now.

In the land of nod (my phone just autocorrected that to "nob" dear lord can you imagine the land of nob?!!!) I can never sleep. My brain goes into overdrive!

7. The last thing I ate.

Dominos pizza!!!!!!

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.

My Boyf xxx

9. What song I’m currently listening to.

No music playing at the moment :) but last thing I listened to was Beyoncé, I think the song was called  "on to me" or something? It's on the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack I believe.

10. The last time I cried and why.

Today, I was getting hassle at work & didn't deal with it very well Cuz I'm a big baby!

11. Something I’m excited about.

My day off tomorrow so I can sleep some more!! ( I'm a rock star baby!)

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.

I like....

• my strong morals ie my sense of responsibility, justice, empathy, generosity, loyalty, honesty, sense of family etc

• my ability to make a meal out of practically nothing & my natural ability to cook/bake yummy food

• my sense of style. Simple, plain but well designed. Things that look weird on the hanger but great on. Mature, feminine, strong, confident, sexy & stylish 

• my eyebrows. Especially when I have my make up on and they're perfectly sculpted. They're extremely expressive, particularly my right one, Boyf has affectionately nicknamed it my "dickhead eyebrow" as it raises almost beyond my hair line when somebody is behaving as the name suggests! 

• I'm not going to state the obvious and say "boobs" or "bum" because it's boring. My last item on my "like" list will be something that I used to hate but have grown to like. My feet. I have slender feet and long toes. Boyf gasped when he first saw my feet and i recoiled, terrified that he hated my feet as much as I did! But then he showed me his feet and turns out, we both have little claw feet! We are feet buddies! He tells me that he hates girls with "pigs" as he calls them, he thinks short toes are hideous, especially when painted and there's barely a nail on the little toe! He says my feet are beautiful and he has made me love them too! <3

I dislike...

• my strong sense of responsibility. I know I said I liked it but it also has its drawbacks. I create stress for myself because I worry about others and I can't help it!

• my constant need to sleep. I'm so exhausted every day and yet can't sleep at night! My brain sends me loopy! 

• my nose. Something which has bothered me since I was very young. It doesn't bother me too much unless I'm having a very low time but when it does bother me, it bothers me a lot. But hey! I wouldn't be who I am without it!

• my lack of disclipline when it comes to food and exercise haha! Exercising is fun but no amount of exercise is as satisfying as a massive chocolate bar - I'm sorry but it's not! - luckily, I've naturally got a pretty slim frame so I notice very quickly if I've eaten too much over a few weeks and can work it off again. 

• my jaw. It constantly clicks and locks and it drives me nuts!!!!!!!!

13. Three things I want right now.

• water

• sleep

• another pillow

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?

I'm not wearing a necklace right now but If I was, it would be my white gold diamond and pearl necklace from my Mum. I think it was from Ernest Jones a few years ago. I love it but I need to replace the chain.

15. How long was your last phone conversation?

Only a couple of minutes as I was working.

16. What are you looking forward to?

Sleeping... Haven't we already established that?

17. Did you get anything off your chest today?

Yes but not to who i should've done. Today I vented but soon I will articulately put my point across in an appropriate manner. Soon...

18. How many rings do you usually wear?

If I wear a ring it tends to only be the one.

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?

CaliforniA!!!!

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?

I'm wearing jammies!!! Moo cow ones!!!

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?

I'm English so, autumn

22. Are you an emotional person?

A lot people think I'm cold, arrogant, standoffish and snobby but actually I am a very emotional & sensitive person.

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?

Boyf or Mum

24. Do you like long car rides?

Yes. Simple as that. I've always liked car rides. Apparently when I was a baby, if I didn't sleep, my dad would pop me in my car seat and drive around and Id fall asleep! :)

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything?

My Mumma ️xxx

26. Last time you saw your dad?

This evening :)

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?

Yes

28. Do you do your own laundry?

Always. I don't trust anybody else not to do it wrong!

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?

Sporadically... When I'm at work mainly. Often I wonder if I do have that ability though, I can read people so clearly sometimes it scares me. 

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yes. 

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you?

Yup.

32. What will you be doing in five years?

Sleeping? Hopefully?

34. Last 2 people to text you?

Boyf & my gorgeous girlie Hayweewee 

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Lol... That's my answer to that. Do we ever grow up?

36. Do you like to cuddle?

Very much. But I'm extremely selective when it comes to who I cuddle. I don't give them out easily. So if you get a cuddle from me, feel seriously privileged.

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet?

That depends entirely on how angry I am.....;)

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?

Probably.

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?

Yes. When I was little I didn't have any girlfriends. I was one of the boys! :D

40. How’s your hair right now?

Up in some state so I can't see it. It's out of my face and that's the main thing.

Life... It goes on...

I've had a pretty shitty few days. 

Whilst trying my best not to moan to anybody, I've actually managed to silently implode. 

Now I have a war going on inside my head that not even the closest people to me, know anything about. 

I feel so frustrated & stressed, at such a dead-end & trapped. 

I wish I could just disappear. I don't think it would make a difference to many people. 

The annoying thing is that whilst I am writing this. I am overly aware of how many "I's" and "me's" are being written. It makes me feel so self absorbed, whiny & selfish. I start thinking "who the hell are you and why do you feel you have the right to moan?!" 

Why does my brain do that to itself?! Why do I listen to everybody's problems over and over, no matter how minuscule & stupid & try to help everybody out, yet I don't listen to my own body when I'm hurting? 

That's not right... 

I feel like my world is crumbling around me, I can't explain to anybody why I feel like it and nobody understands. 

If people don't understand, they try to tell you how you feel or make it about them...

On second thoughts, maybe there's a reason I don't tell anybody how I feel.

I have a day off work tomorrow that will probably consist of sleeping, food and television. Maybe I'll turn my phone off, other people's whining won't be my problem. Work won't be my problem.

Well... Chin up eh...

 

The best birthday ever!

My birthday is not my favourite time of year. 

Suffice to say I was not looking forward to it this week....

I was worried about being ill for my birthday and ruining it for the people who wanted to spend it with me. 

My general feeling is that it puts pressure on me to be in an overly good mood (like at my age I should be thrilled to be getting older?!) regardless of how I'm feeling. 

The people who love me enjoy my birthday as much as I enjoy theirs but I feel stressed at the thought of not being in control of the plans & presents. The anxiety of not liking something that somebody else has arranged or gifted also panics me. 

I'd hate for somebody to go to a lot of effort and then for me to ruin it by hating it all!

On that note...

...Fast forward to Wednesday February 4th 2015...

I wake up at boyf's house, surrounded by purple (my favourite colour) glittery presents and a ginormous birthday card! 

He disappears downstairs and returns singing "happy birthday", holding a chocolate cake! <3 such a sweetheart!

 

I carefully peel open my shiny pressies (the paper is too pretty to tear!). They include various Bare Minerals skincare products, 2 boxes of my favourite Lindt luxury chocolate selection, a gorgeous little penguin Pandora charm & a gift voucher for Lush! 

Perfect presents for me!

We then nip to Starbucks for breakfast; a latte & a nutella cookie! :D nom!

Afterwards, we go to my Dad's house, where I find a beautiful bouquet of pink roses & lillies from my Mum, ANOTHER huge chocolate birthday cake on the coffee table, a "birthday girl" banner across the ceiling, pretty, pink wrapped presents & a moo cow card from my Dad.

Pressies from my Dad include the Urban Decay Naked2 palette & a yummy smelling reed diffuser! 

Boyf then informs me of my biggest birthday surprise...

He has booked us a table at Donatellos restaurant in Brighton (my favourite) & invited my Mum & brothers to have a birthday dinner all together! So unbelievably happy! 

We have a typical crazy family time with my Mum & i giggling like a pair of idiots and cracking rubbish jokes and one liners to each other whilst the rest of the table (and probably restaurant, maybe the rest of Brighton/Sussex/the world) cringe. I LOVE seeing my brothers and am so thrilled that they are at my birthday meal... 

...Boyf & I got back home super late and had to work early the next morning so that was a pain but this year's birthday was absolutely perfect in every single way and I felt like a spoilt princess! 

I was made to feel so special & loved by all those around me & it was by far the best birthday I have had for years! There was no pressure or anxiety & I was naturally in a great mood all day, being showered with love and affection. I couldn't have asked for anything more, nor thought of anything to improve it.

The day after my birthday, my Dad & I went for a Nandos in Reading, just him & me (since he didn't get a look in on the day haha!) it was lovely to spend some quality time with my Fruit Jar & he took his first selfie of us together lol! We then went back to his place and I made him sing "Happy Birthday" so I could blow out the candles on the cake he had gotten me haha! 

It was such a lovely couple of days. :)

It will be seriously hard to top this birthday next year. 

But I have every faith my man will be able to achieve it in some way or another. 

I feel so grateful that he went to so much effort to make the day wonderful just for me. 

To those who speculate, this is why Boyf and I are together. We love each other endlessly. We fight, we row & we scream. But we love just as passionately and that is what I live for. Behind closed doors & all that...

He is so loving, affectionate & thoughtful. 

It's him & me, against the world :)

Content & lemony

Yet another bath post. I sense a pattern emerging in this blog.

One more penchant of mine is that I love things that smell great: candles, incense, perfume, food, toiletries & of course bath bombs! 

Now, I adore Lush! I cannot simply walk past this particular shop without being seduced by its heady fragrance & floating in on a wave of organic scents (like Tom & Jerry with freshly baked pies on windowsills).

So, being ill, I of course asked a couple of well wishing & well informed friends if there were any homeopathic remedies I could use to perk myself up a bit as the regular paracetamol & ibuprofen mix wasn't working. 

I was given some brilliant ideas, one of which was to pick up an Avobath bath bomb. 

Well!! This advice I took very seriously, if I'm poorly and this bath bomb will make me feel better I MUST purchase it!!! For my health you know! 

Teehee...

I am now laying in a witches brew green bath (cauldron), smelling of heavenly lemongrass. I was a bit worried at first as lemongrass is a hot oil and using it in the bath can burn your skin, but this is mixed with avocado oil and so you get that rich, sharp lemongrass scent but with baby soft, soothed skin from the avocado. 

As a little treat, there are also tiny shimmers in the bath, which unfortunately, I couldn't pick up on the camera. :( 

I am feeling pampered & warm and my sinuses are clearing nicely. I am a happy bunny. 

Another piece of advice I was given was to drink honey, lemon & cayenne pepper tea, so guess what I'm doing whilst laying in my witches brew... 

All senses are content at the moment. 

I have also brought in 2 oranges, along with a bottle of water and the box of tissues! Haha! 

My Dad may be hard pressed to remove me from the bathroom today!! 

Hmm but I'm starting to feel hungry so... 

Nah, food can wait. I'm happy. 

You can buy your very own Avobath here: https://www.lush.co.uk/products/avobath

 

Lazy Day, random thoughts...

Today I had what is referred to in the retail world as a miracle: a Saturday off work! 

Good job as well, The rest time is definitely needed. I'm not feeling any worse today but don't know if that's a good or bad sign... 

Pretty much spent the day on the sofa in another soft blanket that Boyf got for me LAST Christmas (I have a serious penchant for soft things: blankets, socks, pyjamas, teddies etc Boyf coincidently shares this obsession, there's every possibilty that we may have a problem)!

Also, every week I buy breakfast bars to take to work and today I thought "why am I spending this money?" So I made 'strawberry breakfast flapjacks'.. Well, it's not like I had anything better to be doing! 

It's pretty much oats, a little butter for colour, honey & an egg to bind it all together, laid on a baking tray with strawberry jam smothered all over, covered with another layer of the oat mixture, lightly dusted with caster sugar and baked in a medium oven for half an hour or until the oats become golden brown. 

Not a strenuous or complicated 'recipe' by any stretch of the imagination but yummy nonetheless! 

Maybe next time I could squish a banana into the base layer of oats... Mmmm bananas and honey!  

So let's see how that's going to taste with my morning Starbucks tomorrow morning. 

One of the worst things about being poorly is that you have to stay warm & rest. It makes me stir crazy! I want to get out the house! But know that if I'd gone out today, I'd have over stretched myself and probably wouldn't be able to work tomorrow. Although whilst at work in the morning, today's sofa snoozing will be  appreciated as I will be longing for it haha!

So now I'm in a yummy bubble bath, waiting on Fruit Jar (Dad) to cook a meatball bolegnese! Can't wait! Going to need hot sauce in mine though - clear these air ways! 

After dinner will be my favourite part of today though, Boyf is coming to collect me for a night of snugs, hot chocolate & Celebrity Big Brother!!!!! 

As a side note, I can't wait to get my crosstrainer over to my place, it's sending me loopy not being able to go on it every night!!

Waaaah!!!!!

Spent the whole day in bed today having caught my Dad's cold! >_< 

I'm trying to nip it in the bud before it gets too bad as I don't want to take any time off work. 

So I'm eating lots of Manuka honey, fruit & veg, staying warm, getting lots of rest and of course dosing up with paracetamol & ibuprofen. 

What would be perfect right now is a Lush bath bomb bath... The Christmas Eve bubble bar would be SOOO amazing! But I'd have to go over to my Dad's to have a bath and I don't want to pick up any more of his infectious germs lol! 

Instead, I'm curled up on my bed in my enormous, soft moo cow blanket that Boyf got me for Christmas watching Come Dine With Me. 

Rock star lifestyle or what?! - don't be jel haha! 

I'm gonna go feel sorry for myself some more now... :((

Long time, no see!

Wow, forgot about this blog! It popped up on my favourites and I thought, hey, let's have a look! 

So much has changed since I last posted in 2010! 

My life has had a total 180!!! 

I've been working for The Perfume Shop for what will be a year on 2nd February. I've been striving to work for this company since I was 16 and finally got in - straight in at management level too haha! 

I'm comfortable with the amount of responsibility I have on my shoulders and it's a very good stepping stone for moving up within the company or moving on to another. 

My LinkedIn is always blowing up with offers for interviews with other companies so I can't be in a bad position. :) Good Times! 

My personal life is entirely different too! I rent a room in a house a couple of roads down from my Dad. It sounds pointless but it's nice to have a little place that's just for me - my little sanctuary where nobody can stress me out. I can watch what I like on tv, I can eat what I want, I can pluck my eyebrows, paint my nails, do facemasks, have an early night, a late night - ANYTHING I WANT!!!! and nobody can say otherwise! Mwahahaha!!! 

I enjoy going to my Dad's for dinner a couple of nights a week and staying at my boyfriend's house but it's nice to have my little place - it's like the place I keep my sanity, and when everything feels crazy, I can go back to my cocoon and it's alright again...

So essentially, I pay to stay sane each month! Good investment I say! 

I'm about to turn 27 which is... Nice... :/ 

Things are clicking into place nicely at the moment though so I'm hoping my life is going to plan for once. 

I have a gorgeous boyfriend - although we do row lol (what couple doesn't), we love each other more than anything in the world. Sometimes I think that might be why we argue. We're both arguing for the relationship but we're fighting each other instead of everything else. It's healthy to a point though, it means we're communicating - but Lord he knows how to push my buttons haha! 

We'd do anything for each other and I know it's him & I against the world, we just have to find that balance so we don't actually forsake the world and live in our own little bubble haha! <3

We are looking forward to our 5th consecutive visit to Cyprus this year, so we are living frugally to save as much as we can as fast as we can (whilst also saving for a mortgage deposit).

I can't wait for summer - I'm bloody cold! 

So that's how things are currently shaping up for me. 

Hopefully I won't forget about this blog and will post again in the near future. I'm not bothered whether it's read by anybody besides me, it's nice to see for myself how far I have come in 4 years!